This has got to be the perfect time to clear my mind and if it isn’t, I guess I’ll make it. I don’t even know what to think about anything anymore. I’m not really much of a go-getter, even if it’s for the things I want and long for the most. I’ll make an attempt and if it doesn’t work, why bother trying anymore? No one else is putting forth much –or any- effort for that matter. It doesn’t make much of a difference anyway because once (if) the effort is put forth by others, I’ll be sitting there, waiting, willing to accept the fact that it happened for this or that reason …willing to go back to the way things were….only to probably have it happen again at some point or another. Maybe it’s time for a change, time for me to put my foot down and just cut it for good? No matter how much part of me would love to be able to do that and go on with the rest of my life as if nothing has happened, it’s not that easy. In fact, I can say that it is impossible for me to do. I guess this is equivalent to having your heart ripped out of your chest, put into a shedder than a blender, being set on fire, then having the fire pissed on….only more subtle. It probably wouldn’t hurt like pure and utter hell if we didn’t talk all the time about people doing shit like that and promising that we never would do the same to each other. “Is a promise something people used to keep when love was worth the fighting for?”  And once the distance has been created, no matter how it has been created, in my personal experience, it’s impossible to get things back to the way they were, especially as the days, weeks, months, years go by and the thing you had in common is going…going…gone, or not as prevalent as it was at one point in time. Celine wasn’t so correct when she said ‘on ne change pas’ because in fact everyone and everything changes, some changes slower but just as intense as others. And I’m tired of hearing that some people go and others stay and either way they’ve impacted you in one way or another or made you who you are because no matter what, it STILL HURTS LIKE HELL!!!!! I’m not and never will be the type of person who can take things like this lightly. I can fake like it doesn’t bother me, like a woman faking an orgasm but regardless of whether I show how I feel or not, I know how I feel and it situations like this, it’s never good. “Emotions” is a good description of how I’m feeling right now. It has nothing to do with a lost love or anything of the sort…not that sort of lost love anyway. “You’ll never see me fall apart…in the words of a broken heart…” I’ve talked about it all I’m going to….why you ask? There’s nothing left to talk about really and nothing will change unless the person...people...whoever do something to change it.

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