I really have nothing to update about. I just need to talk. Not many people are on right now and those that are don't IM me much, so I choose here to express my feelings. My heart hurts. I'll never know why I chose to keep this documentary on, but I did. I sit here, watching planes crashing into the buildings, many more buildings collapsing and I can't do anything but cry. I wasn't there, but watching this, I feel like I was.  My heart just instantaneously DROPS...WTC North Tower goes up in smoke....2nd plane crashes into the South Tower.. People jumping from stories as high as the 35th... plummeting to their death. Knowing they were gonna die, but taking that way instead of burning to death. North Tower crashes....white smoke and debris fills the city...South Tower collapses. I can only imagine the fear in those peoples heart...the pain of the loved ones who know that they're going to die... the people on the outside wondering, hoping, PRAYING  that their loved ones made it out. over 6,000 people died in a matter of 3 hours! The remains left after 12 hours had past is just heart breaking within itself. So many posters of people....most of which were never found. And, look at me! I'm sitting here, trying SO incredibly hard to fight back tears. WHAT AM I CRYING FOR?! I didn't lose anyone, but I feel like I did. I'm lucky to have lived 4 years, 1 week, 5 days and 3 hours more than most of those people! So many people, who in fact, may not have had the chance to give life. So many mothers and fathers without children, children left with no mother or father, widows and widowers. People who may have lost the only person they had in this world. I know everything happens for a reason, even though you may never find out what it is. Life is short and maybe I take things too seriously, maybe I let too many things effect me, but like I just said. everything happens for a reason.


Ne me plaignez pas, ma vie est plutot belle

Continued
   I had more to say earlier but I needed to go out. Anyway... After watching the parts of the documentary that I did--I turned it off midway through that up there because I couldn't even take listening to it-- I can't get the images out of my mind.  I feel like they're permanetly embedded there...for good. Up until this point I'd seen the 2nd plane crash into the second building, and I'd seen both towers collapse, but they were vague memories. But now, even though I was a state and many cities away from all of that chaos, I feel like I was there. I have no reason to think that anyone who had a loved one involved would feel any sympathy for me being upset about a person or thousands of people I probably never met before in my life, but truth is, I don't want anyone's sympathy. I know how I feel and I don't have, need or want to justify my reason(s)  to anyone.  Right now, i'm angry and upset. I shouldn't be, but I am. Part of me feels like i'm taking this too seriously, i mean, it has been 4 years. But 4 years ago it, it seemed unreal to me. I know and knew it was real then, but, you just don't imagine things like in real life. Fantasy world.....some blockbuster movie by Steven Spielberg or something like that. More on this to come later.. because i'm not done with my thoughts.

Still Continued
    I'm feelin better now, but, I don't know. Earlier was just a wake up call. Life is really short, and I know I said that earlier, but it's the truth. I can't really imagine spending my last minutes in a burning building, knowing that I'm going to die and being resigned to dying but knowing I won't be able to tell the ones I love with every fiber of my last being, that I love them.  Just thinking about it makes my heart hurt...again. I'm out.